Well... Life... I Guess...

I am so depressed right now... Do you ever have a feeling that you have made a mistake by choosing a particular path? That you shouldn't have done it, that it wasn't worth it? I have this feeling from time to time and now it gets stronger. I am not sure what to do yet, but I know I will figure out, because I simply don't have a choice. I have to... I won't go into details about what is happening in my life. I mean, really, what for? All people have their own problems without thinking about mine.

I cried today. I cry from time to time. Usually I am very happy and optimistic person. If you would see me in public, you would think that I am the happiest person you can ever meet, but nobody really knows what is going on inside my soul, my inner world... I know how to hide my feelings. I know I shouldn't cry. I read somewhere that baby actually feels the pain and the feelings of what his mom feels. This saddens me, because I would never want my baby to cry, unless these are tears of joy and happiness. I just can't stop thinking that this is not how I wanted my life to be and it kills me. I thought I always made good decisions, but the one that I made almost two years ago wasn't one of them. I am so pissed at myself. I was just a stupid naive girl thinking that it will all get better... But it won't and now.... I need to fix it, no matter how hurtful it can be. Time will make it better. It always does...